So what is left when you decide your life is no longer worth living? There are no longer any human connections in my life which I honestly enjoy. I don't connect with my husband anymore. I know he isn't someone who can deal with feelings, so it's not really his fault. I just thought when he lost his dad, that would put him more in touch with his feelings. It didn't. It may have made him more sentimental about 'Dads' and what they do - so he has a better relationship with Aaron, but he doesn't relate any better to me. He just stays further away from me. The work I do brings me no challenge and so much frustration in my life, I can barely force myself to think about it anymore. When I'm there, I can't believe the lack of organization, the mismanagement, the ignorance of the way priorities are set - and change on a weekly basis. All we can do is react to these crazy situations. My relationship with Aaron is gone-he isn't interested in talking to me and I guess I can't blame him. I don't really offer anyone anything positive let alone endearing (HA!); But he's put less than zero effort into our relationship since he moved away. I totally get that he needs to build his own life now, but I don't get how he ignores me when I contact him. It totally hurts me to my core, and I can't imagine how he can do that time and time again. Now Izzy's gone, and I know he isn't coming back. That's just the final straw--I can't imagine where he could be. When a member of your fur-family leaves you, that's just the worst. Benji's going nuts looking for him, crying all the time -- we're all sad, just hanging around --and sometimes forgetting he's gone, putting food out for him or calling him when it's time for them BOTH to come in. There is just no more joy in my life, and I feel more like ending it all than I ever have.