So it's been a really long week. How is it that whenever the hard, hard work lets up for awhile, it takes me a long time to get back into a good flow? The thought of having to not be just plowing ahead with my head down all the time, unable to breathe, is so foreign to me now. I'm going to try to stay more conscious of this so I can ease more gently into the lifestyle of a normal workload. I feel insecure and vulnerable. So I am trying to remember that these feelings are leftover from old scripts that came from a feeling of being harmed in various ways everytime I looked up from the grindstone, so to speak. Being invisible, blending in, playing the game, taking care of everyone, making others happy. All and more are methods I've used to keep myself safe. I want to acknowledge those feelings and give them the relevance--or lack thereof--that they deserve. Once their size and stature becomes more proper in my mind, they will have less of an effect on me, too.
That's really all I want.
Really.
REALLY.
Oh, and I want to find out what happens after that, too.
Friday, June 5, 2009
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