Saturday in July

Just another weekend in the c'mont. It's warm and a bit muggy and I'm kinda tired of the work /workout/ drive/ sleep -- then crash hard on the weekends routine. I don't really feel like I have anything to look forward to anymore, and I kinda wish I could just check out. Although most of the time, I'm pretty checked out when I'm at home, so what's the difference?
I really should get my act together. I know if I'd quit smoking and drinking I'd feel better and my weight would go down almost instantly. But then, what? What would be the point of all that? What fun would I have in life? I remember once when I was working on anger, I was afraid of letting go of something because I didn't know what would be left when I did. But stuff --good stuff-- came in to fill in the giant chasm that was left over when I let go of that. So why not let go of this now? It's time isn't it? Well, here's my argument to that: this doesn't feel like bad stuff to let go of to later be replaced by good stuff. I like the way I feel when smoking and/or drinking... I just don't like what it's doing to counteract the healthier things I'm doing: working out, not eating animal products, caring for others, etc. I don't know what to do...